So a theory has been developed that has been slightly disheartening to me. It seems that I ruin parties and get-togethers. Not in the sense that I show up and everyone else leaves, or that my presence leads to a bad time. More in the line of no one can remember an awesome party (one of those talk about forever or nights not to be missed) where I was present. I always miss them. I'm out of town or busy doing something else. I just assumed that was my bad luck, but it could possibly be true that I'm the one bringing down the fun. Something about me that turns what could potentially be an amazing night into something mundane.
This isn't to say I'm not fun, or don't know how to have a good time. Yet for some reason, I miss all the real fun. It makes me question most aspects of my personality and actions. There is some portion of it that doesn't mix well in large groups of people to the detriment of everyone involved. I want to have fun, and be fun. Leaves me with the feeling of being left out in the cold.
It also makes me want to leave, as to allow everyone else to have a good time. I may just be acting dramatic.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Japan 3
Sure everyone is finding this mini-series I've got going just riveting.
Today started off just as yesterday, early, with me awaking the same time as wifey. But unlike yesterday, so after she left for work nick awoke to a phone call followed by him prompting me to get dressed for an outing to the bank and the base. After a hot stint on the base reading my book and drinking a coke we made our way to the post office to deliver I-ching's package. Which was surprisingly simple, and cheap, to do. Then we ate curry after some walking around a shopping mall. We returned to the house to laze around and etc. After nick left and a nap/shower I headed out for the night. He had mentioned a place called 'jelly' that had a good ratio of women to men so I set out to find that at the fussa station. After aimless walking and a stop and an interestingly large video store(adult of course) i stumbled upon the place, but it was closed, or at least the elevator would not take me to it. More walking later I ended up at a small bar filled with a group of friends. Although some attractive women were in the group nothing came my way. And after no help from the bartender who spoke little english I went about my way. Now I had previously (the night before) stumbled upon a few lounges, and subsequently discovered they are not the same as lounges back home. Earlier today nick had explained to me they were places where girls pretended to be your lady for a while; very strange. So in my walking i stumbled upon another, and slightly inebriated and curious me decided to go in. Proceed to a very awkward hour of talking with the only two girls that spoke english (poorly), an ugly chinese girl and an older filipino woman. The attractive Japanese girl that was interested in my hair spoke no english and the good looking madam was busy of course. After some time I decided to leave and the gave me a present to give to a girl, and the 'mama-san' actually chased me down outside to say thank you. I presume this is because 1. I was more well behaved than I'm sure most customers are 2. I left before the time I payed for was up (paid for time but a learning experience none the less) and 3. well I'm not sure if there are more reasons. I decided to then cut my loses and headed home.
I feel it necessary to append yesterday for a few reasons. First being that even though I retired for the evening around 11, I was awakened around 1 by my cousin to go for a walk to 7/11 for a bit, we talked about my night and etc. Secondly being that this morning, very early, at 7 even though I assumed it was later(damned alcohol waking me up early), I had a revelation as to why hanging out and spending time with my family is so fulfilling. They understand me. I mean obviously they have an unfair advantage in comparison to others, but even still, my family just gets the complexity of being me. Not to say that I am more complex than others, but that they get that just because I'm forgetful doesn't mean I'm stupid, or because I like big words and to travel means I'm stuck up. We often act certain ways around certain people, but I truly feel like I can be myself and let my moods slide as they please around my family. Foolish one moment and thoughtful the next, from belligerent to pensive in seconds without a care as to why. Also, due to my laziness, minor details have been left out of the above story, so readers should inquire within if they are interested.
Today started off just as yesterday, early, with me awaking the same time as wifey. But unlike yesterday, so after she left for work nick awoke to a phone call followed by him prompting me to get dressed for an outing to the bank and the base. After a hot stint on the base reading my book and drinking a coke we made our way to the post office to deliver I-ching's package. Which was surprisingly simple, and cheap, to do. Then we ate curry after some walking around a shopping mall. We returned to the house to laze around and etc. After nick left and a nap/shower I headed out for the night. He had mentioned a place called 'jelly' that had a good ratio of women to men so I set out to find that at the fussa station. After aimless walking and a stop and an interestingly large video store(adult of course) i stumbled upon the place, but it was closed, or at least the elevator would not take me to it. More walking later I ended up at a small bar filled with a group of friends. Although some attractive women were in the group nothing came my way. And after no help from the bartender who spoke little english I went about my way. Now I had previously (the night before) stumbled upon a few lounges, and subsequently discovered they are not the same as lounges back home. Earlier today nick had explained to me they were places where girls pretended to be your lady for a while; very strange. So in my walking i stumbled upon another, and slightly inebriated and curious me decided to go in. Proceed to a very awkward hour of talking with the only two girls that spoke english (poorly), an ugly chinese girl and an older filipino woman. The attractive Japanese girl that was interested in my hair spoke no english and the good looking madam was busy of course. After some time I decided to leave and the gave me a present to give to a girl, and the 'mama-san' actually chased me down outside to say thank you. I presume this is because 1. I was more well behaved than I'm sure most customers are 2. I left before the time I payed for was up (paid for time but a learning experience none the less) and 3. well I'm not sure if there are more reasons. I decided to then cut my loses and headed home.
I feel it necessary to append yesterday for a few reasons. First being that even though I retired for the evening around 11, I was awakened around 1 by my cousin to go for a walk to 7/11 for a bit, we talked about my night and etc. Secondly being that this morning, very early, at 7 even though I assumed it was later(damned alcohol waking me up early), I had a revelation as to why hanging out and spending time with my family is so fulfilling. They understand me. I mean obviously they have an unfair advantage in comparison to others, but even still, my family just gets the complexity of being me. Not to say that I am more complex than others, but that they get that just because I'm forgetful doesn't mean I'm stupid, or because I like big words and to travel means I'm stuck up. We often act certain ways around certain people, but I truly feel like I can be myself and let my moods slide as they please around my family. Foolish one moment and thoughtful the next, from belligerent to pensive in seconds without a care as to why. Also, due to my laziness, minor details have been left out of the above story, so readers should inquire within if they are interested.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Day two of Japan
Hopefully the first day was exciting enough, it only gets better from here; that is if the jokes are funny to anyone other than myself.
It is the end of day two for me in japan, and a very eventful one at that. The day started slow, with my cousin arriving home at 3 in the morning to rouse me from my slumber. I effectively went back to sleep only to awake at 7. After some lounging about I had breakfast, deciding from now on to take my meals on the veranda; I also decided to start calling the thin balcony a veranda. After frootloops and much reading my cousin awoke and we played catch up. Eventually he left for work, and I napped awaiting the arrival of his wife, she needed to be home for me to leave. After her arrival around 5 I left the house and headed for the train station, stopping at 7/11 for some snacks and supplies. I took the train to fussa, got off, walked around aimlessly and found nothing to my particular interest; mostly I'm sure because I could not read any of the signs. I then board the train once more headed for tachikawa. Once there I did a bit of wlaking around before stumbling into a small jazzing bar. At first it was difficult to order drinks but once I discovered one of the bartenders spoke some English the brandy came easy. After a few drinks and the arrival of some more patrons things began to liven up. The bartender had been to Seattle for a year so the two of us could talk some. The topic eventually settled on two things, her cute single roommate who was interested in American men, and jazz, which included the gentlemen next to us, with the bartender translating(poorly of course). We had some fun, and the night ended with us making plans to go to a jazz club in fussa on Friday. I may also be meeting with the bartender, her roommate, and her roommates friend(who speaks English) tomorrow at some point, pending a call from the bartender.
It is the end of day two for me in japan, and a very eventful one at that. The day started slow, with my cousin arriving home at 3 in the morning to rouse me from my slumber. I effectively went back to sleep only to awake at 7. After some lounging about I had breakfast, deciding from now on to take my meals on the veranda; I also decided to start calling the thin balcony a veranda. After frootloops and much reading my cousin awoke and we played catch up. Eventually he left for work, and I napped awaiting the arrival of his wife, she needed to be home for me to leave. After her arrival around 5 I left the house and headed for the train station, stopping at 7/11 for some snacks and supplies. I took the train to fussa, got off, walked around aimlessly and found nothing to my particular interest; mostly I'm sure because I could not read any of the signs. I then board the train once more headed for tachikawa. Once there I did a bit of wlaking around before stumbling into a small jazzing bar. At first it was difficult to order drinks but once I discovered one of the bartenders spoke some English the brandy came easy. After a few drinks and the arrival of some more patrons things began to liven up. The bartender had been to Seattle for a year so the two of us could talk some. The topic eventually settled on two things, her cute single roommate who was interested in American men, and jazz, which included the gentlemen next to us, with the bartender translating(poorly of course). We had some fun, and the night ended with us making plans to go to a jazz club in fussa on Friday. I may also be meeting with the bartender, her roommate, and her roommates friend(who speaks English) tomorrow at some point, pending a call from the bartender.
Japan 1
I've decided to make a mini-series out of the loose journal that I kept during my summer stay in Japan. Not really sure what possesses me do to so here because no one will see it, but I am. So here is day one.
Day one in Japan is basically complete, it is 3:24am American time and some time around 7 or 8 here in japan. It has been a long tiring day and a test of my traveling capabilities. In my attempt(successful) at beating jet-lag I stayed up until 5am Saturday night in preparation for my flight. I awoke at 8 the next more, put gas in the car and roused Blair out of bed to head to SFO. Check in was simple as was security. After finding my flight was delayed I bought a pasta salad and orange juice(which i spilled on myself) and began to read and wait. There was a slight scare when I lost my boarding pass, luckily they reprinted me a new one without much fuss. Boarding commenced some time after 11am and I took two sleeping pills and prepared for a drowsy flight. After about an hour of drowsy semisleep and the classical chamber music channel I decided another pill was in order, which did the trick because the next time I awoke we only had four hours left. After a meal and another short nap it was no time before we were preparing for landing. The plane and sf had been cold but the second I stepped of the airplane the heat and humidity slapped me in the face. Baggage claim and customs were simple, but then the true test began. After changing my oj stained shirt, I found a travel information booth and asked how I could get to where I needed to be. Unfortunately I could not be so specific about that seeing as how I had lost my all important paper of information that had been given to me on my last visit to japan. But after some fumbling and map pointing I was able to get directions and get on my way. Refilling money on my pasmo card came naturally and not before long I was on a train in the right direction. I saw a cute girl on one train and we had some light, i stress light, flirting; considering we were on opposite sides of the train and speaking wasn't possible. The next two hours of my journey involved changing trains and the oppressive heat co-mingling with heavy luggage and people staring. After some time I eventually arrived at Kabe station, got out and set to walking. I would like to be proud and congratulate my memory at the moment, although I will have to quickly damn it afterward. I was able to walk from the train station all the way to my cousins apartment complex, weaving through neighborhoods and parks and down a few staircases. But, along the way I saw the most beautiful site of the sun setting and the mountains mingling with the fog as a backdrop to the cityscape. I say but because no one else will get to see it as I did, considering I forgot to bring a camera on this voyage of mine. Nonetheless I eventually arrived at my cousins apartment complex/building, and lucky me just as his wife returned home from getting groceries. And so here I am, alive, where I'm supposed to be, slightly hungry but better off than it could have been. Day one done.
Day one in Japan is basically complete, it is 3:24am American time and some time around 7 or 8 here in japan. It has been a long tiring day and a test of my traveling capabilities. In my attempt(successful) at beating jet-lag I stayed up until 5am Saturday night in preparation for my flight. I awoke at 8 the next more, put gas in the car and roused Blair out of bed to head to SFO. Check in was simple as was security. After finding my flight was delayed I bought a pasta salad and orange juice(which i spilled on myself) and began to read and wait. There was a slight scare when I lost my boarding pass, luckily they reprinted me a new one without much fuss. Boarding commenced some time after 11am and I took two sleeping pills and prepared for a drowsy flight. After about an hour of drowsy semisleep and the classical chamber music channel I decided another pill was in order, which did the trick because the next time I awoke we only had four hours left. After a meal and another short nap it was no time before we were preparing for landing. The plane and sf had been cold but the second I stepped of the airplane the heat and humidity slapped me in the face. Baggage claim and customs were simple, but then the true test began. After changing my oj stained shirt, I found a travel information booth and asked how I could get to where I needed to be. Unfortunately I could not be so specific about that seeing as how I had lost my all important paper of information that had been given to me on my last visit to japan. But after some fumbling and map pointing I was able to get directions and get on my way. Refilling money on my pasmo card came naturally and not before long I was on a train in the right direction. I saw a cute girl on one train and we had some light, i stress light, flirting; considering we were on opposite sides of the train and speaking wasn't possible. The next two hours of my journey involved changing trains and the oppressive heat co-mingling with heavy luggage and people staring. After some time I eventually arrived at Kabe station, got out and set to walking. I would like to be proud and congratulate my memory at the moment, although I will have to quickly damn it afterward. I was able to walk from the train station all the way to my cousins apartment complex, weaving through neighborhoods and parks and down a few staircases. But, along the way I saw the most beautiful site of the sun setting and the mountains mingling with the fog as a backdrop to the cityscape. I say but because no one else will get to see it as I did, considering I forgot to bring a camera on this voyage of mine. Nonetheless I eventually arrived at my cousins apartment complex/building, and lucky me just as his wife returned home from getting groceries. And so here I am, alive, where I'm supposed to be, slightly hungry but better off than it could have been. Day one done.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Intimacy
I feel a lot of pent up tension building. Not just in myself but in the environment around me, the people and things that I am interacting with. Although that may just be a reflection of myself on my surroundings. Which I realize most observation are.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Webs
There is a reasonably sized spider living in my car. I found him in one of his many webfilled nest today but failed to kill him when I had the chance and now I cannot find it anymore. I'm sure the rain drove the spider to dwell in my car but I cannot allow such atrocities to persist. If it continues I will be the one to blame for a colony of spiders invading my vehicle.
Like the elusive spider that now haunts me every time I get in the car, life feels very uncertain. I am moving forward on endeavors but I definitely don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only dimly lit sign post and phantoms of what could be. I am slowly learning that the best thing is to just keep working and trying because I never want the reason I failed to be because I wasn't prepared for my opportunity. Pray to the powers that be I haven't already missed it.
If I don't get to where I want to be in life I hope I can live with myself about it.
There is a useful tidbit that I have come across recently. One problem I often have is getting into moods, anxiety, apprehension, depression, etc. The come and go on a whim most of the time and make it impossible to be productive and often put to a halt whatever I'm doing; particularly if it is something creative. Typical I would try and fight through these most, failing in most instances or just making things worst. Recently, instead I have tried to just let them happen. Just let the feelings go and give into it, which sometimes means running around the house when I feel anxious or lying down for a bit when I feel burnt out. And to my surprise, although it shouldn't be, it has been working. The moods pass much quicker. It's funny because I made a decision some time ago to be more like water and for some reason it is taking a very long time to get there. I am though, in my own time.
Like the elusive spider that now haunts me every time I get in the car, life feels very uncertain. I am moving forward on endeavors but I definitely don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only dimly lit sign post and phantoms of what could be. I am slowly learning that the best thing is to just keep working and trying because I never want the reason I failed to be because I wasn't prepared for my opportunity. Pray to the powers that be I haven't already missed it.
If I don't get to where I want to be in life I hope I can live with myself about it.
There is a useful tidbit that I have come across recently. One problem I often have is getting into moods, anxiety, apprehension, depression, etc. The come and go on a whim most of the time and make it impossible to be productive and often put to a halt whatever I'm doing; particularly if it is something creative. Typical I would try and fight through these most, failing in most instances or just making things worst. Recently, instead I have tried to just let them happen. Just let the feelings go and give into it, which sometimes means running around the house when I feel anxious or lying down for a bit when I feel burnt out. And to my surprise, although it shouldn't be, it has been working. The moods pass much quicker. It's funny because I made a decision some time ago to be more like water and for some reason it is taking a very long time to get there. I am though, in my own time.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Lessons
And so ends another week. It was particularly unbalanced, with only three days of actual school followed by four (busy but) weekend days. I did learn two lessons throughout the week; well less learned and more reinforced and reiterated. Overall the week was a positive. Even if there is still a lot of work to be done, and a far amount left in the unknown.
The first lesson that I was retaught was that busy doesn't mean bad. Truth be told it usually means good, that you are doing things right. There is a saying that goes 'you can trust a busy man to get something done'. This is very true. At the risk of burning myself out (which I am prone to do very easily), I am going to try and keep busy; moving forward as best I can without losing momentum.
The second lesson that was once again pushed in my face was actions speak louder than words, and can get you much farther in life. I've spent so much time thinking about things that it is high time 'doing' came to the for front of my mind. It is also important to note that living in the moment puts me in a much better mood. It makes me a happier person. Although it still takes a lot of mental energy to remind myself to do this. I do believe that if I can keep it up it will help my overall mood about life and etc.
Also, much thanks to LB for the hang-out time. It was an excellent pick me up; just what I needed. Not sure how I'll repay her but I've got time to think of something. As long as the Christmas carol incident isn't mentioned to anyone, ever.
The first lesson that I was retaught was that busy doesn't mean bad. Truth be told it usually means good, that you are doing things right. There is a saying that goes 'you can trust a busy man to get something done'. This is very true. At the risk of burning myself out (which I am prone to do very easily), I am going to try and keep busy; moving forward as best I can without losing momentum.
The second lesson that was once again pushed in my face was actions speak louder than words, and can get you much farther in life. I've spent so much time thinking about things that it is high time 'doing' came to the for front of my mind. It is also important to note that living in the moment puts me in a much better mood. It makes me a happier person. Although it still takes a lot of mental energy to remind myself to do this. I do believe that if I can keep it up it will help my overall mood about life and etc.
Also, much thanks to LB for the hang-out time. It was an excellent pick me up; just what I needed. Not sure how I'll repay her but I've got time to think of something. As long as the Christmas carol incident isn't mentioned to anyone, ever.
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