Webs

There is a reasonably sized spider living in my car. I found him in one of his many webfilled nest today but failed to kill him when I had the chance and now I cannot find it anymore. I'm sure the rain drove the spider to dwell in my car but I cannot allow such atrocities to persist. If it continues I will be the one to blame for a colony of spiders invading my vehicle.

Like the elusive spider that now haunts me every time I get in the car, life feels very uncertain. I am moving forward on endeavors but I definitely don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only dimly lit sign post and phantoms of what could be. I am slowly learning that the best thing is to just keep working and trying because I never want the reason I failed to be because I wasn't prepared for my opportunity. Pray to the powers that be I haven't already missed it.

If I don't get to where I want to be in life I hope I can live with myself about it.

There is a useful tidbit that I have come across recently. One problem I often have is getting into moods, anxiety, apprehension, depression, etc. The come and go on a whim most of the time and make it impossible to be productive and often put to a halt whatever I'm doing; particularly if it is something creative. Typical I would try and fight through these most, failing in most instances or just making things worst. Recently, instead I have tried to just let them happen. Just let the feelings go and give into it, which sometimes means running around the house when I feel anxious or lying down for a bit when I feel burnt out. And to my surprise, although it shouldn't be, it has been working. The moods pass much quicker. It's funny because I made a decision some time ago to be more like water and for some reason it is taking a very long time to get there. I am though, in my own time.